Fifteen Things I hope my Teenager learned when I took him to a Pearl Jam concert (September 2016):

1. It is the only time that paying $35 for a T-Shirt is a good deal.

2. Any woman, 50 years or older – having carried, birthed and nursed 3 children, and who also plans on drinking one or more beers at the concert – will be wearing a Depends undergarment and sports bra. (It’s reality – that’s why you need to know.)

3. Binoculars are not embarrassing to use during a concert.

4. Your Momma can stand, scream, sing, dance, jump and socialize for 4+ hours in boots and bedazzled jeans – with gas left in the tank for more. You will NEVER outlast your Momma at a Pearl Jam concert! Not ever. She is a Bad Ass!

5. One day you will wish that you had taken that selfie your Momma begged for; it would have been a small price to pay for something that would mean the world to her.

6. Your Momma understands why you didn’t take that selfie. And when you are older, she does not want you to feel badly.

7. Never underestimate the ability your Momma has to get an unauthorized selfie without your knowledge. Moms do what they have to do; period! (Many thanks to Anna, my Pearl Jam bestie! See no. 10 below).

8. You will see and smell things you’ve only heard about up to this point. Drugs and alcohol exist, you can get them when you want them – even if you aren’t legal, even if the stuff isn’t legal – and they will make you do things you will regret. Ugly things. Hurtful things. Dangerous things. Illegal things. Deadly things. Things you can never do over or ever take back. Remember these experiences in a negative light, and never embrace them in your life or in the lives of those you love. Be responsible. Support those in need or distress. Never enable or encourage poor choices.

9. There are good people everywhere – absolutely amazing people all around you. They are men and women who come from every walk of life, age, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, career and hobby you can possibly think of. They are just like you. And they are nothing like you. You and they are each an important part of the most wonderful community you will ever experience. Introduce yourself to these people. Ask them what brought them here. Make a simple, small connection. It will fill your soul and bring meaning to your life. And theirs.

10. Never underestimate the power of becoming besties with the person sitting next to you. Rocking out together challenges you to hold nothing back and be your authentic self. It is the one time you can be who you are – from the true, deep, meaningful core of your being – and not be rejected. You are, in fact, quite EPIC to them! (Thank you, Anna!)

11. There are times in life when you are ripe for a concert to break you wide open and release the sludge that clogs your being. Let it.

12. Eddie Vedder for President!

13. Your Momma is a complicated treasure. And know you have just witnessed her in a raw state of being. You may have found her embarrassing, but you will grow to appreciate how vulnerability and self-acceptance was modeled for you at that concert. She loved every bit of being herself that night. She believed herself worthy of love and belonging, and no one could tell her differently.

14. Your Momma IS embarrassing. And she doesn’t care.

15. The evening spent with you will be one of your Momma’s greatest memories. A lifetime of Pearl Jam can’t hold a candle to the greatness that you are every single minute of every single day! She loves you, she is eternally grateful for you, and she bursts with pride to call you her son.